Time flies...and I have landed

So...no use complaining about not posting this time. It's been ages, I know.
Trying to sum it up, bear with me for a moment:
Reneee became my sub sometime in February and has been until November. We had a lot of great moments and many nice trances. So this is a kiss (!) specially reserved for you, honey. But at some point it seemed better to let her go and so we are friends now. After that there was Tessa, another old friend. However that only held a short while, then she ran away.... I was driving her too hard it seems.
Residence-wise I joined my dear friend xitt and her lovely neighbors Kari and Bettie in Dreamland for a whole while and I must say it was a lovely time - and they are all sooo creative too! Last I was kind of homeless since we had given up the house there, but since last night I have firm ground under my feet again, erm, almost. I have moved to Laputa, a .... how do you say that, one of the great bdsm houses in SL, and am living there on a ship with Mistress Imika and her sub Airama, (yes, yet another old friend) So since the end of one loooong day during which I was given the Go by the High Mistress and introduced to all of the nice people there, I am now wearing a collar again - finally!

Past troubled waters... for the moment

So.... havent really blogged in a whole while. Again, so much has happened.
My submission to Master ended on Jan, 20. He actually kicked me out for involuntarily causing some drama that was due to me talking about the time AFTER my submission.... But of course I should first have told Master and not Miss Liza. The thing is, however, that she IMed me while I was just chatting with (then) Miss Reneee about the future and that we would try to stick together and that I would try to help her become a good Mistress. So far it was all nice and innocent. But as it seems Miss Liza had thought that I would turn to her after Feb, 1, a thing that I myself had never alluded to. But of course our activities together with her led her to believe that. So when she heard about my new plans, she got angry and reproached Master with manipulating her etc. All in all I brought him into a very uncomfortable position that led him to the decision to kick me out (and end communications with Miss Liza).
Hmmmm. I have to say I was far from shattered, somehow he had pushed me hard during the preceding week, maybe too hard. In any case I felt not as close emotionally as I did earlier.
Thus I am now free, and even though I do miss the feeling and instruction he gave me, I cannot really imagine me going back to him.
To come back to Miss Reneee...
Of course, my plans have a way of going where THEY want, not I. I suggested writing something for Miss Reneee about me as a sub and somehow I knew it was extreme in its openness, but thought that she deserved nothing but the truth and so I gave her that. After she had read it, she said that she couldn't be my Mistress - actually I should not have been surprised at all, but of course I was; and sad too. Meanwhile the tables have turned and I am now her Mistress, trying to do the same thing Master did for me: Help her feel good again about being a submissive, learn to live with the pain in her past and not be afraid to get hurt.

Turbulences

(finally posting now, had started on it a while back)
Well.... don't think so much has ever happened before in so short a time in my SL. I feel I need to blog a few of those things before I have forgotten it all.... My life hasnt been that interesting in a looooong time.

First of all, when Melitta and Liza heard about me getting collared they were obviously *very* surprised. First I received a message from Melitta that was ranging from strange over commanding to pissed off - and I really didn't understand why. Then Liza talked to me in more civil tones and she made it clear that she wasn't pleased either and that I should give up being secowner to Geraldine - which I did then (only later did Master explain that stability was at stake and that the ladies had been afraid that Master might try to get ahold of Geraldine via me - the idea did seem very strange at the time, but then, with another Master or Mistress it would have been quite possible as I have to agree now). I did it grudgingly at the time, but had to admit that it was for the better (and for my own peace since I was very busy with Master then).

Next the business with Miss Reneee ...
Since Miss Reneee and I have some sort of a special, even if somewhat undefined relationship, he suggested that he would train her to become a Mistress and keep me for as long as it would take. Once Miss Reneee would have been ready, he would have transferred me to her, to become hers. I have to admit I liked that idea very much, especially since things with Miss Reneee had very recently started to turn into a different direction. While chatting about Mistresses and so on, she had said something about me maybe needing a gentle and sensitive mistress (roughly). I remember it not so much because I thought she was seriously thinking about assuming that role herself, but it was a special moment to me. And the first time we met after I got collared she was waiting for me at my house... and when I finally made it there she was sitting in my very own throne, quite angry too I think, and asked me to do something for her, write down three fantasies and give them to her within three days. I ran into problems with the third one, first on the actual day I was blocked and when I got a chance to give it to her the next day, I stupidly deleted the draft from my gmail-account and panicked with the effect that it became irretrievably lost. *ugh* So I had to rewrite it and could only give it to her with two days delay. But most importantly, she has made herself kind of scarce lately. And I have to admit that I miss her, haven't spent much time with her at all since the beginning of the year.

Also, Master has asked me to decide whether I want to stay with him or end my servitude to him on Feb, 1, an issue that I found very very hard to decide. And I had misunderstood him too. When he was talking about staying, I thought I would have to stay and would not be able to get out honorably, a thought that struck me as a complete no-no, since I knew I did not want that - after all, he is doing me a big favor by taking and guiding me and I surely did not want to repay him that by running away and causing him pain. Turns out however, he did not mean it like that. I had stupidly overseen that he is a man of great honor and, as he explained later, would of course release me if I was unhappy or found a Mistress that I really want to serve. We kept discussing this decision and I have to admit I was very torn between Master and setting an end-point. I changed my mind several times and, just when I thought I had finally come to a final decision and that I would stay.... Miss Reneee came on and canceled the agreement with Master. I was then asked to make my final decision. And suddenly my head started swimming and I felt as if I knew nothing anymore.... a painful moment. I changed my mind (again) and decided that I would leave on Feb, 1. Poor Master, he must have felt tempted to bang his head against the wall with the obvious stupidity of his slave....(maybe he really did, I would not have been surprised). I really felt and still feel sorry for that. Of course that was not the end of it. Despite my initial relief over finally having taken that decision I was still not sure if it was the RIGHT decision, but did not want to bother Master any longer. After all, there was no point. I would feel this to be good one day and that on the other. So I kept my mouth shut.

Since then things have become a little more quiet. And I am glad because of it, since Master's training is quite demanding and I usually need to be very focused or I will end up making mistake after mistake. And that is not pleasant. On the other hand, Master's lessons are all good and thought through, so I am learning a lot - about myself, about submission, about BDSM in SL and also about dominants, especially SL ones. I have also gotten a chance to get to know Miss Liza better, and I have to say she is a very nice and kind woman - and probably mistress too.

Right now the big question for me is what is going to happen on Feb, 1 (I do have a little time at the moment since I made two mistakes in a row tonight and said that I would have made the second one even if I had reflected on Master's orders, because I had a different concept of the order he gave me. Well, he didn't like that answer and I am therefore confined to a blackened cell - in Mouselook.). At the moment I think I will take some time to digest everything that has happened and go back to my old life - or what is left of it. Maybe I will give up my house or build a new one, I might even take a break from SL altogether. I am relatively confident though that I will not jump for a new collar quickly. And domming....well, I think I need to re-establish some confidence (or hunger) before I go in that direction. After all, I have learned that I am not a true domme, and when I compare myself to Master, I feel I am lacking severely in practically all aspects.

Oh.my.god.

As loyal readers may well remember, I have (had) given up subbing almost completely (see "The Mistress Thang" pts. 1 to 3). Where I used to call myself a "sub switch" in the old times I had become an almost never switching "theoretical switch". But the times they are a-changing as they say. A little while back I have met a Master who has really impressed me - not by anything special but just by giving me the feeling that he is very knowledgeable and reasonable.
Now I never thought I of all people would take a Master, but he has offered to help me find back to my subbie side on several occasions and a few days ago it really happened - I let him collar me and became his property, on Jan 5, I think.
And I am happy to say I have not regretted this decision for one second so far. Actually it is incredible how submissive and at home I feel (hey, of course he is doing his magic here). I don't think I have ever felt this - or at least not as deep as I am doing right now.