The unseemly Art of the Error

How many errors are you supposed to make? None.

How many errors are you supposed to make as a submissive? Even less.

And how many errors are you bound to make? Many. Tons.

However, to err is human. Or so they say.

In a way, that is consoling, and yet each time I make one it makes me feel bad, low, because it feels like I let her down. I want to make Mistress proud and not be a disappointment. 

Her way of letting me argue my case when we have our weekly meeting is not exactly helping even if I think I'm getting a little better at it.

In any case I have spent some time thinking about errors, how they happen and how to prevent them and of course also what consequences they may and should have.

Reasons for errors can be manifold:

- unclear rules, or maybe overly complicated ones; from personal experience I can say that clear and simple rules are more likely to be followed; of course errors can still happen
- lack of focus; we all get distracted, confused, bored or sleepy at times, and you are most likely to make errors in that phase
- lack of internalization; that's a tricky one. As I learned recently you can have rules that you accept... because that is what your owner wants. However, that doesn't mean that you do or want to internalize that rule, especially if you find the rule not to make much sense in the first place. That issue can either be solved by adapting the rule so it is more palatable or driving it home and make sure that the ruled party internalizes it - by whatever means.

In any case I'm glad that the rule I was struggling with was revoked by my Mistress. 

The unlikely Mistress, pt. III

So as the benevolent reader may have gathered in the meantime (not least due to the fact that I wrote about it in the last installment) .... these days I am collared to Susan. Since May 2nd to be precise. And honestly I have not regretted my decision for a split-second.

However, in many ways that came as a big surprise. 

I've never had much luck with dommes. Many I just can't connect with and the ones I found appealing often did not want me or... even worse, flaked out on me after a short time. I honestly can't tell when last things felt this right AND held out too. Granted, I have met a few very competent and knowledgeable doms and cherish the time I had with them. I am not afraid to admit that I owe so much to Eden and Kaspar. However, they have been rare exceptions.

I mean I have not worn my collar for a full three weeks and yet everything feels just so right and Susan is pushing me in just the right ways and I'm forever grateful for having her in my life. So much so that at some point when we were talking about exactly this topic I called her my "unlikely Mistress". Because I had met so many "dommes" and would-be dommes over the last few years that I had long since basically given up hope of finding a mistress who would be compatible. Who would take the time and energy to get to know me and take me for who and what I am without judgement and work with me to bring out the best in me. And I think that is exactly what makes Susan so precious. 

It is what she does. And I will be forever grateful.

The unlikely Mistress, pt. II

 

So I met Susan in February and as we got to know each other better I came to view her mostly as a friend. She is unconventional, open-minded and fun. But for a long while I found it hard to picture her as my mistress. To a degree that's down to her being such a sweet and kind person. However, that's not all.

I know I have met my share of dominants and in many cases you can feel the dominance right away. A well-kept appearance, the way they talk, their mindset focused on control, very self-controlled, things like that. With that kind of people it is relatively easy to see yourself in a submissive way. However, that doesn't mean these people are better dominants than others. I remember a friend of mine looked super sweet, but was a very imaginative, quick-witted domme. 

So what you see is not always what you get. And in Susan's case this is very true. She loves making long-reaching plans. And of course when it became clear that we were gravitating toward each other she had one for me. I would get my collar from her three months after meeting. And this is exactly what happened. So on May 2nd the big day had come and she gave me her collar in a small ceremony and I have not looked back one time since.

And about Susan ... one of her best traits is how she is developing her own take on domination and her eagerness to learn plus her willingness to discuss her ideas. I can always calmly tell her what I think, in fact she is asking me to do so and she will draw her conclusions and often change her mind. That is an extremely refreshing experience. 

The unlikely Mistress, pt. I

Just 12 years later and I'm back to blogging. Bizarre. Most of the people I used to know have long left SL, yet here I am. How did that come to pass you may ask. I know I would!

Well, it started innocently enough. After my last "Mistress" flaked out on me in December and just didn't log on for weeks I was not too surprised or hurt. Busy RL, SL not exciting enough, alts. It's whatever. People come and go in SL. And that is how it’s always been. Here today, gone tomorrow.

Anyway, on with my story. In February I met someone at HBC. From her looks she seemed more like an outsider, a bystander. Just dressed normally, somewhat inconspicuous. Stood out in this place of fetishists and posers. So I chatted her up and we started talking. And the more we talked the more I liked her and her somewhat different, fresh views. A rather down-to-earth woman, also an aspiring domme, kinda new to it all. With a girlfriend, too, one she wanted to make her sub – but not next week, in a year. A WHOLE YEAR. In my experience you are lucky if things stay the same in SL for more than a few weeks. And yet, here she was, coolly stating her long-reaching plans. And she meant it, too.

That made me think and my initial politeness somehow turned into respect. This woman simply made plans for years, just because that was what she wanted to do and she was calmly working on putting them into practice. It kinda blew my mind. The fact that she had an opening for a sub was interesting, too. And we became friends and the idea of becoming her sub started to grow on me.